Almost Insane

“All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten…. Share everything….”

Some where in a book in which I have forgotten about the writer, I have found those words. Well, that is true for sharing is a good thing to do in life. May be, I have taken so much by those words. It has changed me from country kind of girl into rock kind of lady.

It might be just a little tiny bit of leaping from just simple sharing into a such a thrilling sharing. But half of the world against me.They said that I have assumed it (sharing) wrongly. I think they have misunderstood me, seriously completely misunderstood!

Most say the way I share is impossible, almost insane. See, I am not talking about sharing toys or things here, but love. There is an awesome guy who has made me fall deeply in love (or may be, fall madly in love as well). The guy who can be a prince in any season of my heart. I might have summer, fall or winter in one day but he is always be my sunshine. He is the one who give me brightnes and power to survive. I know, I knew, all of woman may not be as lucky as me but you do have some one (or some hope) for having this kind of man, don't you?

OK, I will make it short! I am falling in love to a 45 years old man. Why 45? This is the age when the man has his prime, the golden year, isn't it? Into addition, 45 years married old man. Oh yes!

So deeply in love I till I feel that sharing him with his wife is very much better than not having him at all. It is normal to me. I don’t care what he has done with his wife out there, I don’t even want to know. All I want is his love when he is with me. That's it! 

I had sex with him, gave him everything. May be a little bit too excessive but this is probably all of my fault. I let him do it without any rejection.  How could I resist it? I never had the power to do it. I am bound to him. I was never be able to separate which one is love nor pleasure. Can you?

 But how can the hell be so different about this "sharing" thing from other's opinion?

“You are sick!” my friend snapped at me.

“ I don’t think so, I am perfectly fit,” I denied.

“You are sick and need a treatment!” she added.

“Oh I see, you hate me telling about him. But he is all topic I have."

There is a long pause, both of us are not paying attention to each other anymore. I don’t know why I feel like vomiting, her words are giving me a sudden sick. I may know her a couple of years earlier than "my man" but she is no matter to me anymore. Ever since her disliking and her thinking of me, that is the end of our friendship. Having her as a friend is like having an enemy under the pillow. It pricks your head and let you bleed to die a lot earlier. When some one is no longer understand you, she is nobody.

I really don’t care if some one says that I am stupid and stubborn because I am. Once I have made up my mind there is no way to change. I love him and that is that!



nyoba sedikit "miksi" pakek bahasa Inggris, haha!! mawuttt grammarnya....


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