Surat Untuk Cintaku

my dear,

you see...this is me
I always say something that I planned not to say to you. I just donno how, anyway.
I mean I hate my self...looks like I don't have a problem, but in fact I do.

There are things I didn't say. That is that I was thinking if you're happy to be with me all the time. I do thing that you would see this as "my trying to occupy you all the time. I do wonder if you are totally happy about this"classic query".

My problem that if I want you to be happy I should let you do everything you are happy with. But if that something you do you feel alright bothers me, what should I do?
I think I am still selfish, and also I don't love you good enough. I am not trying to make up or anything so I say this to you, I mean, as you know, I am the kind of person who think about all this weird questions all the time. Seriously, I do love you but that is not "good enough".

They are some difficult we had to overcome, and this is my challenge.
I am willing to take this challenge, including being so honest to you, yet I know this will not make you happy(this is part of the challenge) because I do care about us. And for this, I have no clue why? God knows, so I am actually glad(yet worried) that I said all this to you. I do feel like I am very stupid and like a loser too. I didn't hold on until "the end".

Sometimes I feel so sorry about myself or my emotion, this I have mentioned before. You see...I am trying to break this problem into pieces and trash them one by one. And I do (and I did) find the problem should be "me"!

This is the hardest part it's like you saying it's hard to change yourself. Not that this is against my own will.This is what I like coz you are way too important to me out the moment, and I am so used to share every simple bit of my life with you. So, I am weighing things comparing what is more important to me.

And apparently, I am still fighting. You are a bit heavier, in that sense. I still want to hang it here.

Something funny is our "fights" are so calm. This is one of the stuffs that I treasure, yet we were not happy and had our own opinion and position. We could still talk. so what else can I say? This coil never end, Iam talking about this essay.

So, I don't know what else I can say...
I guess this is life we are messing with. Things just can't happen too straight forward, especially I am dealing with you.
I just...well...anyway...

your love

wakakakak...lagi lagi lagi lagi......cintaaa
bikin bingung aja, pengin nulis tapi ga ada bahan, ga ada ide. Halah sing penting nulis. Grammar nya kacau ya biarin, hehehe...

2 komentar :

  1. Salam.
    Waduh, hebat tulisan kamu ya! Lawati blog saya jika ada waktu di

  2. terima kasih, saya hanya sekedar menulis apa adanya.
    sudahpun saya melawati blog Anda, nice blog juga, bahkan lebih bagus dari saya punya. Salam kenal!!


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