Surat Untuk Cintaku

my dear,

you see...this is me
I always say something that I planned not to say to you. I just donno how, anyway.
I mean I hate my self...looks like I don't have a problem, but in fact I do.

There are things I didn't say. That is that I was thinking if you're happy to be with me all the time. I do thing that you would see this as "my trying to occupy you all the time. I do wonder if you are totally happy about this"classic query".

My problem that if I want you to be happy I should let you do everything you are happy with. But if that something you do you feel alright bothers me, what should I do?
I think I am still selfish, and also I don't love you good enough. I am not trying to make up or anything so I say this to you, I mean, as you know, I am the kind of person who think about all this weird questions all the time. Seriously, I do love you but that is not "good enough".

They are some difficult we had to overcome, and this is my challenge.
I am willing to take this challenge, including being so honest to you, yet I know this will not make you happy(this is part of the challenge) because I do care about us. And for this, I have no clue why? God knows, so I am actually glad(yet worried) that I said all this to you. I do feel like I am very stupid and like a loser too. I didn't hold on until "the end".

Sometimes I feel so sorry about myself or my emotion, this I have mentioned before. You see...I am trying to break this problem into pieces and trash them one by one. And I do (and I did) find the problem should be "me"!

This is the hardest part it's like you saying it's hard to change yourself. Not that this is against my own will.This is what I like coz you are way too important to me out the moment, and I am so used to share every simple bit of my life with you. So, I am weighing things comparing what is more important to me.

And apparently, I am still fighting. You are a bit heavier, in that sense. I still want to hang it here.

Something funny is our "fights" are so calm. This is one of the stuffs that I treasure, yet we were not happy and had our own opinion and position. We could still talk. so what else can I say? This coil never end, Iam talking about this essay.

So, I don't know what else I can say...
I guess this is life we are messing with. Things just can't happen too straight forward, especially I am dealing with you.
I just...well...anyway...

your love



wakakakak...lagi lagi lagi lagi......cintaaa
bikin bingung aja, pengin nulis tapi ga ada bahan, ga ada ide. Halah sing penting nulis. Grammar nya kacau ya biarin, hehehe...